March 29th 2010

Joy, undelivered.

Feeling unreasonably sorrowful and morose these days? Don’t blame yourself! The cause for the lack of Joy in your life is not a conspiracy by the universe. It’s simply the absence of a machine that you cannot afford. It’s called the BMW.

In 2009, BMW launched a profoundly creative communication campaign dedicated to the proposition that all men are not created equal. The campaign was built on the lines of “At BMW, we don’t make cars, we make joy”. In a precise and efficient manner, the brand acquired all Joy available on this planet and made this precious commodity their sole property. They locked Joy in beautiful machines that were for the select few who could afford them.

Further, the Dr. Evil Workshop (read agency-marketing team) stole several emotions associated, even remotely, to Joy. These included Timelessness, Freedom, Aesthetics and so forth. By early 2010, BMW owned most happy emotions, all waiting to be fired up in their cars.

Today, the effects of the world being split into unequal halves are rapidly becoming obvious.

Public uproar

Mr. H. Appy Golucky, victim of the BMW ‘Joy’ campaign makes his angst clear.

The Birth of a New God

With Christmas banned, carolers sing ‘Joy to the World’ at the launch of the BMW Mojo 2011 Model

No more ‘Joy-mons’

Millions of Malayalees named ‘Joy’ across the world try and beat the recall deadline by BMW to rename themselves.

The Joy-Ride

In 2010, only 1.3 mn lucky people will be Joyous. The rest, who will buy Volvo from the Chinese will be safe, but sorry.

The truth is, as much as Joy is a universal feeling, it doesn’t start and stop on the road. An unfortunate example of Joy undelivered was my visit to the BMW showroom/service station in Dubai. After much exposure to the ‘Joy’ promise, I expected a warm welcome from the brand (clowns turning cartwheels and the like).

Instead, I was secreted into a vacuous space sucked dry of all Joy. Sour, unhappy people dished out unrealistic service timelines that were designed to make customers withdraw their submissions. A few unhappy salespeople slumped in their seats, unwilling to strain themselves for love or money. Customers looked like they were waiting to file their complaints at the police station. Sadly, the only Joy there was in the well-produced brochures and posters.

It’s great to have a proposition that can be interpreted creatively in many exciting ways. But if the promise falters even once, the whole idea sucks. And with it, the brand.

No, I don’t own a BMW. I ride in a Hummer H3 and it eats the environment and bad people.

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December 31st 2009
"It was a tough year. I hope 2010 will be better."

I hear this a lot, especially in Dubai where the town is currently in a frenzy of social planning for an evening guaranteed to end a year of tribulations. For most, the likely result will be the start of 2010 with a hangover and unfinished business.

If you really consider it, time is only a tool to measure our lives. What time we wake, what time we sleep and everything between. An evaluation of what we did in the year past, our hopes for the year ahead. Memories of holidays, rain, time spent with family and friends. American Idol, Oprah, winter, summer and other seasons. Anniversaries, birthdays, deaths. For some reason, we just have to have a start and a finish line to appraise our lives.

Do these things matter to an ant? The little fellow scurries around its whole life in social discipline. Time, I suppose, is really irrelevant in his scheme of things. He lives his life every ant-second, committed to his clan. He is judged by his contribution to his community and is rewarded for it. His life defines time, not the other way around.

So where is this going? Here it is. I hope you celebrate your life every day. That you may be able to measure time by what good you do for others, and for the rest of the planet that we seem to influence. That you live in peace and harmony with yourself, and yours.

What am I going to do this evening? I'm going to make a little pool of water, add a dash of (harmless) coloring agent, lots of sugar and start the party for my little ant friends.

Here's to life!